To be a parent, one must have a paradox of qualities: warmth and distance, rules and freedom, and the abilities to both be a leader and give affection and comfort. Within families I assess what areas require rules and I suggest possible rewards for meeting behavioral goals. I may suggest reading and writing assignments. The children or teenagers are actively involved in the creation and design of the home structure. Ideally, the end result is no more yelling, arguing, or fighting. The families or the parents and children discuss and negotiate, and each member of the family receives what he or she desires.
No matter how open our society appears about sex, it’s not. Years ago it was revealed to me that those who wrote the books on sex twisted around what males and females think and feel. For example, men are as likely to say “no” to sex as women. Women like wild sex. Men want affection and praise. The key to open the body’s sensations and the heart’s lock is communication. The bulldozer approach will not work and neither will the “eyes closed shut” mode. Innocence and Passion are everything.
God is the name I say. You may call it a higher power. You may even say it does not exist. Whatever I acknowledge is all-knowing, present everywhere, knows the details of my life and destiny, and points to my perception of life. We are not entirely the authors of ourselves. If we truly were such architects, then we would be in even worse shape than we actually are! For we receive protection for which we have not asked and guidance that we rarely glimpse. Our self-appointed goals, directions, endeavors, and plans mean nothing without a masterpiece design. I believe the design exists and it’s my goal to find where I can enter into the creation of my life beyond myself, and my wishes, goals, and desires. If the client does not believe in God or a higher power that is OK. But one must know that one is then limited by time and space. We’ve all been angry at God or felt betrayed by life, but diving deeper we might see and experience something else. It is entirely the client’s choice to pursue the subject of God in therapy.
To go through the experience of death, one finds a clear outline of life. There is a statement, a direction, a pointer beyond the loss – a bridge to go over the abyss and land where you desire to be, at home in your feelings, at peace in your thoughts.
Guilt, anger, worry, sadness, and regret: you can pass through these feelings with courage and heart. One takes a leap into the “between” of life and death – that space, that crack, of time where every event begins and ends.You will claw your way through the anger, dissolve the guilt, push through the tears and weariness to emerge with energy that is bottomless and timeless. Sounds like a story? No, it is the only reality – of climbing into and out of of all the memories and fears that we stumble upon, and emerging free, truly free to live beyond the loss, above the death. You will feel so awake by the end of death’s experience that you will know in every morsel of your being what true life and love is behind all the losses and deaths of this world.